Let Me Live That I May Praise You

When Andy & I met with my heart surgeon after Christmas to discuss my upcoming surgery, he commented, "You seem comfortable with going ahead with the surgery."  I don't imagine anyone is ever comfortable with having open heart surgery.  But I do trust that the Lord is in control, and He is my Shepherd and will not let anything happen to me apart from His will.  I chose the name of this blog from this passage:

"Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul.  Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell.  Are not two sparrows sold for a penny?  Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father's care.  And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.  So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."  Matthew 10:28-31

I'm very thankful that my surgeon told me that because I'm generally healthy and young (as far as heart surgery patients go), the risks are less than 1%.  Still, I know not all heart surgeries go as planned.  My dad died from an accident during heart surgery.  The heart surgery itself went well, but he died from a catheter puncturing his lungs and bleeding to death.  His death deeply saddened me.  I grieved for a long time.  But God was in control.  God had determined the number of days of my dad's life, as He has for each of us.  I know that whether I live or die, I am in God's loving care and in His will.

I look forward to being with the Lord in Heaven someday.  That will be Paradise.  As Psalm 16:11 says, "You make known to me the path of life: in Your presence there is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore."  My experience has been that there is no greater joy than being in God's presence.  How much better it will be face to face!

But when I think of my four young children whom I love dearly and want to be here for and continue to raise and hug and teach and mentor and play with and cheer on, my heart's cry is to live long enough to see them grow up.  I long to continue to share with them about the goodness and greatness of God, how He has been there for me, how His love is better than life, how He is the greatest treasure, how there is no greater joy than knowing Him and following Him, and to encourage them to love the Lord with all their hearts and to walk with Him all of their days.

These passages reflect my heart's cry:

"Let me live that I may praise you" Psalm 119:175

"In You, O Lord, I have taken refuge...
Be my rock of refuge, to which I can always go...
For You have been my hope, Sovereign Lord, 
  my confidence since my youth...
As for me, I will always have hope; 
  I will praise you more and more.
My mouth will tell of your righteous deeds,
  of your saving acts all day long -
  though I know not how to relate them all.
I will come and proclaim your mighty acts, Sovereign Lord;
  I will proclaim Your righteous deeds, Yours alone.
Since my youth, God, You have taught me,
  and to this day I declare Your marvelous deeds.
Even when I am old and gray,
  do not forsake me, my God,

till I declare Your power to the next generation,

  your mighty acts to all who are to come."  (portions of Psalm 71)

May it be so!